Humor (Political and Otherwise)
For days when the news isn't encouraging, there's nothing like a good laugh to cheer us up, and get us back into the fight.
On those days, our little contribution can always be found here. Enjoy, and if you have a laugh to share with us, whether it's a joke, or a YouTube video, send it along, and our crack comedy team will review it for inclusion here.
Economic Models explained with Cows - 2007 update
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbor.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.
THE ARTHUR ANDERSEN MODEL
You have two cows. You shred them.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called "Cowkimon" and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a democracy....
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate
From The Capitol.Net
Who Reads What?
1. The
Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The
Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The
New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
4.
USA Today is read by people who think they maybe ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.
5.
The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country--if they could find the time--and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.
6. The
Boston Globe is read by people whose ancestors used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
7. The
New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The
New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9. The
Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.
10. The
San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure anyone runs the country, but if they find out who does, they oppose them all. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped, minority, feminist, atheist, and also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy -- provided, of course, that they are not Republicans.
11. The
National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
12.
Nothing is read by the guys who are running this country into the ground.
contributed by Joe Nuñez
